Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Batman Was A Gemini (Updated with photo)

My perpetually child-like, incredibly fun Gemini fiancee rides a motorcycle which he bought initially for the purpose of saving gas when commuting to work. He loves toys, but he is also extremely frugal. Since the purchase, he has fallen in love with the bike, which I knew was going to happen. Not only does it look like a fun toy, but it is also mechanically fascinating.

To understand, you have to know that my fiancee is the only man I've ever met who would tell the nearly naked woman in spike heels draped over the hood in the Ford Mustang car magazine ad to move so he could look at the engine. While this ability to ignore other nearly naked females sounds wonderful initially, the simple truth is that he also would say the same to me if I were the one draped over the mechanical toy in spike heels. It makes spending money on personal maintenance to impress him at the very least ironic, and at best a sore topic of our "Did you do something different?" conversation where I make up wild awful stuff in retaliation for him not noticing my freshly painted toenails. Word to you Gemini guys that live in your heads--never ignore a woman who has spent her hard-earned cash on a pedicure. But I digress--this is not a blog about that.

Lately my fiancee lusts for an even bigger, badder bike, and I am greatly enjoying the opportunity to  harass him about his "dream" motorcycle. It's near the top of the line in his brand and comes in a manly black and silver with the sleek look of a two wheel beamer. But it only comes in black and silver. That's it. No colors. The sportier bike it's based on comes in bright shades of green, blue, and red. He wants his dream machine in the signature green of the brand. So okay, you paint it, right? No. He also wants the ability to revert it to the original black and silver when we ride it together because he suspects (rightly) that a woman who paints her toes is into "image" and that I prefer the bike I'm riding to look more bad-ass than fun.

Laughing, I look over my glasses at him and say, "You are such a Gemini". Now I no longer follow horoscopes like I did as a teenager, but I still find the general sun sign information helpful in the categorization of annoying traits. Especially traits like this one because he does this have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too thing all the time. The man changes his mind constantly from moment to moment, and stays in a state of two minds about everything he's relatively sure of even. Before his twelve years with me, being in the Marines for nine years was the longest decision he'd ever made.

Mildly irritated, and hoping to discourage him from whining for days about motorcycle color schemes, I pushed hard on his innate frugality button and told him he was just going to have to spend the small fortune it costs and buy a second set of bike panels to have painted green.

He considered it for a few seconds, then laughed and said, "Who am I? I am Batman."

His impression of Christian Bale (yet another Gemini trait) was dead on, and that, combined with his rough sexy voice, gave me an epiphany.

"So the character wasn't crazy after all," I said amazed, "Batman was a Gemini. That makes so much sense to me."

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